


More Than That

by Higgies230



Series: More Than That [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, M/M, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-01 22:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15782967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgies230/pseuds/Higgies230
Summary: Set end of season 3 as if Ian hadn't run off to join the army.Ian hurt so bad after the wedding. He felt like his heart had physically broken and there was a constant pain in his chest. Of course he knew that Mickey probably had to do that to stop his dad from killing him but still...He started to think about all the  weird little mannerisms he had picked up recently and God did he hope that he was wrong about what it was. He couldn't sleep that night as he decided what he was going to do. If he did have... bipolar, if he did then he didn't want to be like Monica ever.





	1. Diagnosed

  Ian hurt so bad after the wedding. He felt like his heart had physically broken and there was a constant pain in his chest. Of course he knew that Mickey probably had to do that to stop his dad from killing him but still... it was the fists connecting with his body outside their abandoned building. He had really thought that maybe Mickey had loved him but now he knew that he really was just a warm mouth to the older boy.

  Didn't matter though, he was seventeen which meant it was a year until he graduated and could get out of the south side. He was struggling with his school work though, he really didn't think that he would get into Westpoint. Didn't matter he had excepted that long ago, he was nothing when stood next to Lip. He was the average Gallagher that was all. Didn't stop him from throwing himself into his work however, it was a great distraction from his broken heart and how much he missed Mickey as he hadn't seen the guy since his wedding to that whore.

 He tried to be quiet, keep his head down and keep up with ROTC. Lip didn't seem to notice anything wrong after Ian told him that he was over it the day after. To be fair to him he was wrapped up in Mandy and Karen as well as colleges and big choices for the future. Fiona was having a Jimmy-Steve crisis. Not that he needed them really, he could get over this on his own. It was just a stupid crush.

   _Not a crush. You love him._

  "God shut up," Ian muttered to himself as he made his way back from the Kash and Grab.

  It had been a month and he was still just not feeling normal. He hardly felt the need to eat anymore, regularly forgetting and just not feeling the hunger as he should. He also struggled to sleep, he was just so full of energy. And occasionally- and very randomly- he was _happy_ , he would see something random and it was just so fantastic. He had taken to early morning runs just so that he could see the sunrise and little things like the leaves turning brown on the trees was more thrilling. Then the next day he felt worthless.

  At first he had thought it was just him being stupidly over emotional. Then he couldn't help but think of Monica. It was when Lip said something in the kitchen one morning and it wasn't really all that funny but he had laughed hard. She had been like that sometimes, she talked fast and had the most random ideas. Just like him these days...

  It had started because every time he stepped into Kash and Grab he saw Mickey.  _Everywhere_. It had just become too much and he had had to leave. But he couldn't until he had a new job and that was how he had started at the White Swallow. He had been there only a few times in the last month as a single guy- not that he had really ever been dating Mickey anyway. Then he had been approached by one guy who said he was hot enough to work there an he had got the idea.

  Not that his family knew or noticed that he was now gone most of the night. He swore to himself to that he would only work behind the bar in that stupid sparkly, revealing uniform. It was a good job that he had always kept in shape, it get him tips even though he wasn't a dancer. Then of course his boss persuaded him to start dancing and he moved to the Fairytale. All in the space of a month.

  When he started doing the dancing he got better tips but he found it so hard to have the old guys pawing at him. Then the first guy gave him that pill and it was just so much easier. That was why when he started to lose energy and felt more worthless than ever. He started to lose interest in everyday activities he knew what this was. This was the start of a depressive episode... after a manic one.

  The night that he realised that he started to think about all the other weird little mannerisms he had picked up recently and God did he hope that he was wrong about what it was. He couldn't sleep that night as he decided what he was going to do. If he did have... bipolar, if he did then he didn't want to be like Monica ever. 

  That decision drove him to the hospital the next day where he checked himself in. Ian stayed in that place for three days and when he came out the other side he had his diagnosis. He was bipolar but he had his pills and he could control this, stay on top of this. He could keep it hidden? Yes he could. The only thing that would happen if his family knew would be that they would look at him like he was Monica. They wouldn't trust him.

  He made that decision as he hopped off of the El and made his way down the run down south side streets to his home. It felt so strange to be out of the hospital, those three days had felt a hell of a lot longer than that. The noises of the city that had been comforting before but now that he knew what he was...

  The worthlessness suddenly became a bit too much. His psychiatrist had been wary at the lack of people that had come to meet him but he had assured her that he had a large and supportive family. She had said that it would be very difficult for him to do this alone. But he was going to have to do it alone. His life as he knew it was over. He wouldn't be able to get into the army now no matter how well he did in school or where he could get placed they would never take him. He'd never have anyone to love him, he was truly worthless now.

  It came over him suddenly and he found he couldn't continue on his way and swerved off into an alley before crumpling down to the floor against the damp brick wall. The smell of urine and rubbish was all around him, the roar of city life and it was just too much. His sobs were ugly and he couldn't stop, he felt like his chest was tightening. He knew what it was, he'd had panic attacks before.

  Eventually after about fifteen minutes of being curled in the alley he was able to get his breathing under control and stand up. His legs were weak and like jelly but he stumbled back onto the streets and brushed his jeans off before continuing home.

  Once he got there he entered the house and received an absent "hi" from Fiona before he jogged on up the stairs to change out of his now damp clothes. Just as he came back out of their room he ran into Lip. His brother looked up at him from his phone curiously, a cigarette hanging between his lips.

  "Were have you been?" he asked.

  "Just needed time to think."

  "Alright."

  Really Ian hadn't expected anything more. 


	2. Old Building

   It wasn't easy to hide the pills from his family. Fiona regularly went through their stuff in a rough clean up while Carl always looked through his things in search of weapons. The whole thing made him more than slightly paranoid, he was _terrified_  of his family finding out. That was why he moved the pills to the old abandoned building where he and Mickey used to go. 

  The place was where a lot of shit happened with them and at first it was hard to go there. It was somewhere that he knew basically no one came to. Mickey didn't come here anymore either, of that Ian had been sure by watching from the building across from it. There was a loose brick in the wall on the level where Ian had his old obstacle course and that was where he stashed his pills. The obstacle course had been another blow at first but then he just used it to keep in shape for work. Every morning he would run there, do the course and take his pills.

  He was meant to go to see his psychiatrist every six weeks and he did. Lied through his ass but he was doing okay really without the support so that was fine. Work got harder though. Drugs and alcohol were a no no with the lithium and he had always relied on them before to get him through the groping. Ian kept the job though, the tips and pay was good and Fiona loved how much he contributed towards the squirrel fund. 

  One night though he was giving a lap dance and grinding down on the man beneath him when he pulled out a little white pill and offered it to the ginger. Ian eyed it at first, just continuing to move his hips but the guy just gave a predatory grin and crooned, "you know you want it Curtis." That was when his resolve crumbled and he stuck his tongue out and swallowed the pill.

  It had been a bad idea and he had gotten so high off of just that one little pill. He had felt numb and distant and the guy had used that to run his hands all over Ian, later that night the same guy convinced him to go home with him. He hated himself even more after that... he hadn't taken one of those pills since.

  As the weeks passed and the meds balanced out further Ian found himself going back to normal. The boundless energy he had felt in his manic faze had worn off and he almost missed it. Instead he just felt so hopeless and worthless. At first he had thought it may have been the bipolar- a thought that he hated to the very bottom of his being- but then he realised that was just him now. Now he was Ian Gallagher the south side gay, bipolar with broken dreams and a complete lack of talent in school. All he had now was his body and every time that he used it he just felt worse. A piece of ass for old men to grope, that was him.

  He had taken to running to the building and doing the circuit before taking his pills and just staying. Sometimes when he got off of work earlier he would go out running earlier so that by the time he had finished he could just sit in a glass-less window and watch the sunrise. Mania or no it was still beautiful. He would just sit there and smoke and ignore the fact that the rest of the world existed. It helped that winter was rolling in and the dawns were later.

  Eventually he found himself staying longer. One time he actually fell asleep against a pillar and woke up frozen wrapped in just his coat. After that he had brought a sleeping bag and occasionally he would curl up in it and nap. Found it safer than home these days although he still made a point to go there often enough that everyone knew he was still around. He hated both of the reasons that he felt safer in the building, one reason in particular had taken him a while to come to terms with. One, he was so scared of his family finding out his secret that he just felt eternally awkward around them- he hoped that it would all pass with time. The second was that he felt closer to Mickey. That was the one that he had come to terms with, he still loved the thug and, even though Mickey didn't feel the same, he couldn't help but take comfort in the memories.

  It was six months since the wedding and four months since he had been diagnosed that he continued as ever. He had had a rough night at the club where he had been lap dancing instead of being up on stage. While that got more tips it meant more touching which meant more self hatred. He couldn't sleep but had still waited until six before sneaking out and running to his building. Because it was _his_  now not  _theirs_  anymore. Running when he felt like that was just the best, he felt free and working out was so satisfying.

  Panting, he slowed down and pulled at his jumper where it stuck to the swear in his skin. Going over to the hole in the wall he took the pills out and looked at them for a while. He hated that this was his lot now. Swallowing them dry, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

  His head was pounding so he went over to the empty window and pressed his forehead against the cold stone and watched the sun.  _Stress_  his subconscious helpfully supplied. Stress and lack of sleep was why he was felt like such shit. Letting out a shaky breath, he turned to get his blankets to get some sleep. When he looked up he saw something that he really hadn't expected.

  There in the doorway was Mickey.


	3. Mickey

  He felt the blood drain from his face. God this wasn't meant to happen. He wasn't meant to run into Mickey. This was meant to be somewhere Mickey didn't go anymore. He'd screwed up again. Of course this was going to happen. Shit. Why had he thought that he would be alone here. This was Mickey's place first. Of course Mickey would come here.

  He looked Mickey over, he looked tired but well. He'd been working out too.

  "I um... shit sorry I'm just... really sorry Mickey I'm off now any-anyway so yeah um sorry," Ian stuttered horribly. The embarrassment made him flush and tugged his jacket further around himself before rushing to the door and trying to get past Mickey while being as far away as possible.

  Just as he was about to get past Mickey reached out and grabbed his arm, holding him gently. Ian stilled instantly and looked down at the tattooed hand on his arm. What was he doing? Was he mad at Ian for being in his area? God he hoped not he really didn't need to go home with a black eye.

  "I'm really sorry Mickey, I promise that I won't come here again," Ian apologised, looking just at a point over his ex-fuck's shoulder. Although he would have to come back at least once more to fetch his meds. While he had some pills stashed away in a locker down at the bus station he really needed all of them with his limited prescription.

  "What the hell Gallagher," Mickey grumbled and Ian's gaze shot to his.

  He was painfully aware that he stopped breathing for a second, a combination of awe and fear. Why the hell did he still have to love this guy, it would be so, so much easier if he didn't care like Mickey.

  "I really mean it. I didn't expect you to turn up and I know I have no right to come around here so I am really sorry Mickey. I promise," Ian blurted out again, he tried to keep eye contact but found himself staring at the thug's chin instead.

  "Shut up Ian," Mickey snapped. It made Ian do a double take. When did Mickey ever call him  _Ian_?   

 "Mick please don't do-"

  "I said shut up," Mickey cut him off. He stepped into Ian's space and Ian moved back until his back was against the wall. The other boy's face was unreadable and Ian was more than a little scared. He really thought that Mickey wouldn't have just wanted him gone in such an event, he didn't think that he would be so mad as to beat Ian up. 

  He couldn't look anymore, he closed his eyes and braced himself for what was to come. He felt his chest tighten up but it wasn't a panic attack it was just that old heart ache. The younger boy let his head fall back against the wall, Mickey's arm was now across his chest and Ian couldn't help but curl one weak hand around it.

  "Ian open your fucking eyes," he said and it almost sounded gentle. So Ian opened his eyes and looked down at the other. Mickey's face was more open now, softer. He didn't look like he was going to beat Ian up but then again that could just be wishful thinking.

  "I didn't think you'd be here either but hell... fuck Gallagher I missed you and this was our place and... God I'm so glad you're here," Mickey confessed. Ian just looked at him confused, then he understood.

  "You want to fuck," he stated. He pushed himself off the wall, making Mickey step back.

  Wrapping one arm around the other's waist, Ian buried his face in Mickey's neck and kissed the skin there. It was intoxicating the smell of him and the stubble as it rubbed against his cheek. The pleased little noise that Mickey let out and the way his hands tangled in Ian's ginger hair... it was all so good. It was all... sex. Stress relief. Ian knew he was larger than a lot of guys, Mickey probably hadn't found anyone as big...

  Stress relief Ian could do. He could get Mickey off. It was more contact than they had had in the last six months by miles. As desperate as it sounded even in his own mind he would take anything that the other man was willing to give.

  When Mickey pulled Ian up and kissed him deep and dirty Ian thought he was in heaven. It was cold so their trousers were only pushed down as far as necessary and Ian fucked him and it was the best thing he had ever done. The only real downer was the ring. He was so, so conscious of the fucking wedding ring. It glinted in the light and drew his eye from where Mickey braced himself against one of the pillars. Sex, stress relief. That was what this was for Mickey. He was married to a woman but liked cock up his ass so here Ian was. 

  After when they parted and put their clothing right, Ian stepped back further. Now what the hell was he meant to do? He didn't know the drill anymore. Mickey turned around and faced him. The thug looked him up and down critically and Ian watched carefully for his reaction. He was closed off again. Cue to go. They were  _that_  again. The booty call. If it happened again. Who knew when he would see the other boy again. 

  "Right well I'll um... yeah I'll go," Ian said slowly, still unsure. What the hell had really happened there? Nope. Not his business. Mickey could do what he wanted.

  "Yeah well yep," Mickey mumbled awkwardly. Yep awkward was definitely how it should be after a no strings fuck.

  It meant that Ian went home earlier than he normally would. It meant that his hands were shaking and tears stung his eyes. He didn't want to just be a good fuck anymore. He wanted to be worth more than that but how the hell could he. Look at him, weak loser walking down the street crying because he just fucked the one and it meant nothing.


	4. Continuation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally intended to stop here but I have decided to continue so updates may longer be daily as I continue to write.

  They kept doing that. The sex. Ian would run to the old building and take his meds before Mickey arrived. After the first time he really hadn't thought that he would see Mickey again so he had just ran off to the building the next day planning to move his meds and made good of his promise. It was as he was having a last smoke that Mickey had arrived. The smaller man had just looked him up and down-  _like a piece of meat_ , shut up- and raised his eyebrows. Ian got that message so he had fucked Mickey. He didn't seem put out by the fact that Ian was there again. In fact maybe he took Ian's presence as a sort of yes for sex.

  Whatever happened then the arrangement continued. It was like the early days, sex and go. Mickey was like Ian's drug, he needed to touch him, to breath in his smell and hear his moans. Every time it happened though Ian felt worse, dirty. It was even worse than dancing at the club with those old men dirtying his skin. Those men he didn't love.  _Worthless_. Nothing but a good lay.

  They never kissed during their exchanges after that first, not that they had more than twice before this thing but it was nice anyway. He had enjoyed it, he had thought that it meant that Mickey had liked him. Not anymore though. Until their twelfth exchange that was. After they had both come Mickey turned and Ian backed away, pulling his trousers back up. The thug had then marched forward and grabbed the front of Ian's jacket which was when he froze up in panic. This was it.

  Mickey's gaze flicked over Ian's face and he must have seen his fear because he looked almost... remorseful. Then he leaned in and gently kissed Ian the shock of it causing him to stand rigidly for a moment before he melted into it. That seemed to encourage the other who deepened it and Ian had to focus on not moaning into it. Hesitantly, Ian put a hand on Mickey's hip and then the other when he didn't pull away.  On his part Mickey had one hand in Ian's hair and the other on the back of his neck.

  It made Ian feel like maybe there was something more to them. And then they broke apart and Mickey pressed a firm hand against his chest. "Later Gallagher," he said before turning around and swaggering out. Maybe not then. He ran a tired hand over his face and looked at his surroundings, it was almost funny how much this place was a big fuck you. There was the training course representing a broken dream and the memories of Mickey who didn't love Ian like Ian loved him. It was the place that he came to train for his job as a stripper and it was also the place where he kept his meds, the symbol of how much his life was now limited.

  _Not if you keep on top of it_. Yep, that's what he had to do. He had to do that and he would be fine. His family would never know, he would be able to get a job even a small one and eventually maybe someone to actually love him back. Things were not all bleak.

  Then again that person would never be Mickey. A thought that was hard to handle with the smell as Mickey all over him. 

  All in all it meant that as time went on Ian got more and more unhappy. As Mickey left each time he would follow him sadly with his eyes. He would dream of him and feel his hands on him. Every time that Mickey kissed him he no longer believed that it was anything more than a good feeling. Because it was, it felt good. There was nothing else to it.

  Then he began to feel jittery. He knew what it was immediately, he'd been hiding it long enough now to know the signs. It meant that he needed to go and get his meds readjusted. That then meant that he felt fuzzier than normal and, as he found out the next time Mickey came for their daily fuck, he couldn't get hard. It had happened before when he had first started the medication. Then he hadn't been fucking anyone so it hadn't been a problem...

  As soon as he realised his predicament he dropped to his knees. If he couldn't fuck Mickey he could still pleasure him with his mouth. He had to get him off somehow if he wanted to keep him coming back. After he had finished he stood back up and Mickey pulled him in for a kiss.

  "Mmm that was hot now let me return the favour," Mickey grumbled against his mouth before reaching down and squeezing his crotch.

  "What the fuck Gallagher!" he exclaimed when he felt that Ian was still limp. "That's not wet you didn't get off on that at all. Why the fuck did you not get off? You just did that out of what the fucking goodness of your fucking heart!"

  Mick had pushed him back and Ian couldn't look at him. He'd fucked up again and Mickey wouldn't come back now. Hell he needed him and he'd messed up. This stupid disease had ruined him again.

  "It's not like that Mick please!" Ian begged.

  "Then what's it like. Tell me!" Mick half growled half shouted.

  "My meds have changed and I can't get it up right now," Ian said quietly.

  "Meds? What the fuck do you need meds for?" Mickey asked seeming to deflate.

  "Bipolar."

  "Bi-what the fuck is that?"

  "Mental illness. Mood disorder, it's what my mom has that makes her so crazy," Ian confessed quietly.

  "Then why the hell didn't you just say so? Why did you just suck me off?" Mickey took a step forward but stopped when they were an arms length away.

  "No one knows and I just... I didn't want this to... fuck I didn't want this to stop."

  "Stop? Why is your dick never going to work again?" Mickey asked confused.

  "No but you come here for a fuck and if I can't give you that then why would you come here?" Ian shrugged. Why the hell else would Mickey come?

  "You think I come here for a fuck? I could go for a fuck anywhere," Mickey snorted.

  "Fuck you then. Go off and fuck someone else see what I care!" Ian half yelled, his chest was tight again and tears were pricking at his eyes.

  "I don't want to fuck anyone else you prick! You're worth more than that," Mickey yelled back.

  "You- wait what? Why?" 

  "I... fuck it. I love you okay. I screwed up before but I had to marry that bitch. I fucking love you," Mickey blurted.

  Ian stopped and stared. Mickey loved him? Fuck now he was really crying. 

  "Love you too," he managed to choke out before Mickey launched himself at Ian and locked their mouths together.

  "Love you, bipolar shit and all," Mickey breathed against Ian's mouth.

  "Thank you. Thank you so much Mick," Ian murmured against the skin of Mickey's neck as he wrapped the ginger in a tight hug.

  Maybe things weren't too hopeless after all.


	5. Ring and Love

  Ian had entered school that day feeling like he was floating. Mickey loved him. He couldn't believe it, he had been right after all before the wedding. Thinking about it he felt slightly guilty for ever doubting Mickey but then again, he would never bring it up again so Mickey didn't have to know.

  All day he was somewhat distracted but he managed to get through the day and leave on time without having a single teacher take notice. As he was walking out of the school gates alone, Mandy had dropped out just after Mickey's wedding, he was still in that trance. It was why he didn't realise that he had a follower until his arm was grabbed.

  Jumping out of his skin, Ian turned to face whoever it was and promptly flinched away at seeing someone so close. Then he realised that it was Mickey and let himself smile at the older boy. He still didn't know what it was between the two of them but Mickey was a Milkovich and they didn't just go around throwing out the word "love". When they said it they meant it. It only encouraged him when he received a smile in return.

  "Come on tough guy," Mickey smirked, turning and swaggering off.

  Ian took a moment to appreciate Mickey's behind before he followed him. It wasn't long before he realised where they were going; their building. The ginger hadn't expected Mickey to turn up at school for him, not in a million years. Now he wanted to spend time with him... just like when he invited Ian over when the Gallagher's were all in the system.

  Once they reached their level Mickey turned back around gazed at Ian. His head was tilted to the side, lower lip trapped between his teeth and a mischievous glint in those gorgeous blue eyes. All of his was gorgeous but his eyes especially. Particularly in the early days when Mickey hid behind thick layers of walls it was the eyes that Ian learnt to read, they were the things that gave him away if you knew what to look for.

  Mickey then strode forward and they were caught in  a hot and passionate kiss. Ian reveled in it, still couldn't believe it. He gasped against the shorter man's mouth as he palmed Ian's crotch. They pulled apart then and Mickey wore a delightful smirk.

  "Let's get some of this off then," Mickey grinned.

  It was still cold so they really didn't do more than pull there trousers down to mid thigh. It meant that really Ian had to take him from behind when really he wanted to face him. Mickey had only ever let him do that twice before and those were still his favourite times. First though Mickey took Ian's cock in his hands but there was that ring there and it was suddenly a too real reminded. Mickey's wedding ring against his dick... 

  He couldn't help but tense up and pull away. It was subconscious. He looked down at the accursed thing and Mickey followed his gaze.

  "Hey sorry. I'll take it off," Mickey said quickly, knowing immediately what Ian was uncomfortable with.

  "No Mick. I'm sorry lets continue," Ian held the hand before he could remove it. Although he knew that Mickey loved him he was still married. It wasn't right for him to ask Mickey to remove his ring.

  "Ian this means nothing," Mickey said, gesturing at the ring, once again seeming to read his mind.

  The dark haired thug took of the band and shoved it in the pocket of his jeans which were still around his thigh. Ian couldn't help but feel a swell of love for the man and he grinned, pulling him in for another kiss.

  "I love you," he said and reveled in the fact that he could say that to Mickey and that the man only held him tighter rather than run away.

  "I love you too Firecrotch now get on me," Mickey grinned at him before turning around.

  Once finished the two of them lay in the sleeping bag and blankets that Ian had stashed away. The younger boy's head rested on the thug's chest as he ran a hand down his side, Mickey's fingers running through his hair. He had never been more glad for his little stash than in this moment as they were wrapped up warm.

  "Why the hell do you even have this shit up here?" Mickey asked suddenly.

  After a moment Ian decided to tell the truth so he said, "Fell asleep here once and nearly froze to death. Decided to bring some blankets and shit up so I could nap here after a workout."

  "Why not just go home?"

  "Because it's stifling their. I feel like I'm hiding and lying because of them not knowing about my bipolar and I just... can't stand it," Ian said as he continued to caress Mickey's side.

  "Why not tell them?" Mickey asked.

  "Cause they'll never trust me again. They'll never look at me as Ian again only as my bipolar and only as my mom," he confessed.

  "You don't know that Ian."

  "I do. You don't know my mom, what she's like. What the bipolar can make people like," Ian said and wished that they could just stop this conversation.

  "What is she like?" Mickey asked and it seemed to Ian that Mickey made have just wrapped his arms tighter around him. Trying to comfort?

  He couldn't believe he was here.

  "She would be so happy one minute. She'd take us out on trips and then would forget about us and go off with Frank to buy drugs. They were high or drunk or both most of the time. When she was manic she was always laughing and smiling but she also always thought the cops were after her. She once got up onto the roof claiming she was a bird, she was going to jump because she wanted to fly. Last Thanksgiving she was... depressed. She slit her wrists in the kitchen, we found her bleeding out on the floor.  She never took her meds though. It's why I do, even though they sometimes make me foggy and at first... at first they seemed to just make the depression worse. I just don't want- I just  _can't_  be Monica," Ian explained, his hand stilling on his... Mickey's chest.

  There was a long moment of silence before Mickey pulled Ian up for a kiss. It was different from all the other kisses that they had ever shared. This one was slow and sweet and full of love and it warmed Ian through completely.

  "Then you're already ten times the person she is and if your family ever doubts that then fuck 'em," he said to Ian, looking right into the green eyes.

  After a long moment when the world was just the two of them, Ian came back to himself and saw where the sun was in the sky. Quickly fishing out his phone he found that it was nearing six o'clock.

  "I've got to go," he said, hastily getting up and pulling his clothes back on properly.

  "Go? Where the fuck do you need to be?" Mickey asked, still sprawled out in the blankets, looking up.

  "Work. I'm going to be late," Ian told him absently as he shrugged his coat back on.

  "Work?"

  "Yeah," he replied, kneeling quickly to place a quick, chaste kiss on Mickey's lips before hurrying out.

  On the way to the El he couldn't help but grin at the thought that he had been able to say goodbye in that way.  He would certainly keep his evening with Mickey in mind to get him through his shift.


	6. Stripper

  It was Ian's night to work the floor, grinding on old men's laps and having dollars shoved down his tight and barely existing shorts. It was enough to wipe away all the joy from seeing Mickey. He'd just loose Mickey all over again if the thug knew what he really was and boy was that a bitter pill to swallow. The very thought had his chest tightening and he faltered in his job. The stripper caught himself a moment later though and lent over closer to his client, so close that he could feel the man's hot, heavy breath on his neck. It was disgusting but it got better tips.

  Little did he know but Mickey had actually followed him that night, curious. He was standing there in the club with a glass of whiskey watching as Ian ground down on the grey haired, rich old fag's lap. The thug had been waiting so as soon as Ian finished Mickey strode up and grabbed his arm.

  "Hey no touching," Ian told him before really seeing and realising who exactly it was. As soon as he did his eyes widened and he tensed up. Shit. Shit. Oh God it was all ruined and it had been so perfect. This was never meant to happen, Mickey was never meant to find out. He wasn't meant to be here.

"How about we take this outside," Mickey suggested, leaning in close to talk into Ian's ear over the thumping music.

  They made their way through the crowds of various men and Ian led them out of the back door that only the workers really used, one that led into an alley. All the while he had to focus on his breathing, the tightness in his chest. He knew the tension must have been radiating from him but he couldn't change that. Had Mickey followed him here, he had been curious about the job Ian had rushed off to? Then a more unpleasant-  _and more likely_ , shut up!- thought came to him. Mickey was here to find some twink to fuck. He had only hooked up with Ian for the sex and told him all that stuff to keep him coming back but really it didn't matter. Mickey only loved his dick and when Ian wasn't there for round two...

  Once outside Ian turned to Mickey, crossing his arms over his chest both in a protective gesture and a desperate way to keep a modicum of body warmth. He was only in those stupid shorts and a fishnet vest with a black feather boa around his neck. No attire for the Chicago winter. Mickey just stood there with raised eyebrows, tongue flicking over his bottom lip. He was nervous.  _Please let him have followed me._

  "So you're a whore now," he sniffed eventually.

  The word struck him hard. He hadn't expected it but then... He thought of himself as a stripper, a definite line. In the past, when he had been manic, he had given blowjobs for fifty dollars but... he was a stripper not a whore or a hooker or a prostitute or anything like that. He wasn't. Maybe he, hell he probably fell into that catagory before but now was different. How was Mickey meant to know though? How did this look to the other man? Mickey's wife was a whore and he hated her, or at least claimed to, so what would he think of Ian if he thought Ian was one too? God this was... bad.

  "I'm a stripper. I'm not a whore," he said quietly to the floor after a moment. A stripper was still a desperate job, people didn't respect people of his profession. They were all just meat. Just like whores. Was he any better? No, probably not, not in societies eyes, not in Mickey's. 

  "And why the hell are you working as a fucking stripper?" Mickey growled. He was angry, Ian just hoped that he would storm away without hitting him. It wouldn't do to go back to work with a black eye, neither the customers nor his manager would like that.

  "I got the job when I was manic," Ian blurted, looking up at the other briefly and trying to gauge how from violence the other was, he couldn't tell but he needed to try and explain himself, "I- I know that is no excuse but I couldn't stay at Kash and Grab. It... everywhere there was- was you. And I the pay it is good. I came here because I was horny and the manager said I would be a good dancer. So I... became a dancer."

  There was a long moment where Mickey said nothing and Ian stood looking at the thug's worn shoes fighting tears. The last thing that Mickey would want was a weak and pathetic stripper. Why did this have to happen now when things were good? He really wanted to know as well if Mickey had just come here because he was horny to. 

  "So why are you still doing it? You're not manic now. Fuck Ian you're underage!" Mickey half yelled and there was so much emotion in his voice that Ian had to look up. The blue eyes were full of sadness and Mickey looked to be on the verge of tears also. Probably not going to hit Ian then. Emotion meant care?

  "I need the money and I'm good at this, the manager doesn't care about the age, I'm close enough to eighteen to pass for it," Ian told him.

  "Fuck I have a whore wife and you're a stripper. I know how to chose them," Mickey laughed sarcastically.

  "Mickey please don't- fuck please don't be mad. I don't get any closer than a lap dance. It's a job and it pays the bills. Please don't let that stop-" Ian began only to be cut off as Mickey kissed him full on the mouth hard.

  "Don't like this Ian but if you do nothing more than touch 'em clothes..." Mickey trailed off.

  "I promise Mick," Ian said still shivering. Mickey must have noticed because he moved closer and began rubbing his hands up and down his arms.

  "Good," was his reply.

  "Possessive Mick?" Ian smirked against the other's lips, he needed to joke or he would cry.

  "I'm allowed Gallagher now you probably have to get back so I'll see you around," Mick grinned back before pushing him away and making his way back towards the streets.

  "Wait Mick!" Ian called, he needed to know.

  "What d'you want now Freckles," Mickey huffed in fained annoyance.

  "Did you um- did you follow me or... or for a hook up?" Ian got out.

  A sad look crossed Mickey's face but before he spoke he hid it again, "followed you dumbass. You tired me out earlier anyway."

  Ian couldn't help but grin then and watched as Mickey flipped him off before disappearing.

***

  After that they regularly met up and stayed curled together for hours. Ian would never have believed that it would have been possible to have this with Mick, to have the blue eyed man love him. He had never taken Mickey to be the cuddly type. Only once before had Ian slept, as in actual sleeping, with Mickey and been able to watch his face when he was. How relaxed and beautiful he looked. One day he hoped that he could tell Mickey how gorgeous he found him but for now he still wasn't sure that he wouldn't still run away.

  After finding out about Ian's job, Mickey often stopped by the Fairytale. He would watch him dance and drink, making sure that people didn't do any unnecessary touching. That last part he was more than grateful for, not that it didn't make him uncomfortable to have Mickey watching him. The truth of it was that Ian still wasn't sure that Mickey would watch and realise how disgusting and low Ian was. That or he would spot someone more worthy of his attention. That didn't seem to be the case up to that point as more often than not seeing Ian dance made Mickey want him and on his breaks Ian would either fuck him in the alley or blow him in the bathroom.

  It got to the point where Ian was comfortable taking his meds in front of Mickey as they were around each other so often. In fact it got to the point where Mickey knew when he took them and actually got the pills out for Ian himself. He had actually gone and researched bipolar, had told Ian as much. When Ian had asked him why he had looked at the floor and swiped a nervous hand under his nose before replying that he wanted to make sure Ian was always alright. That had ended well for him with Ian worshipping his body and showing him just how much he loved him.

  Ian genuinely didn't think it could get any better until one morning when he was smoking his regular morning cigarette in the abandoned building. He had been standing at the window and so watched Mickey approached with a content smile.

  When Mickey appeared in the doorway he looked to be practically bouncing with energy and Ian cocked his head to the side wondering about the ways he could use it up. That was when he looked at Mickey's face and saw that there was that look that meant that he had something important to say.

  "My dad's in for life."


	7. Home

  "My dad's in for life," Mickey said. Plain and simple.

  "He... that's- that's great isn't it?" Ian grinned somewhat shyly after a short moment of surprise, still he was't entirely sure of how he should react. 

  "It's so good Ian," Mickey grinned back before striding forward and cupping Ian's face in his hands. Leaning his forehead against Ian's he continued, "It means that we can be free Ian. I... I know you feel trapped at your house so why- why don't you come and live with me. Svetlana can go sleep in Terry's old room and you and me... Ian we can be- be together."

  "Together?" Ian asked, it felt like he was bursting with joy. As he looked into those blue eyes he couldn't believe it.

  "Yeah... I um would you like to be my- my boyfriend I guess?" Boyfriend... he had never expected to ever hear that fro

  "Boyfriend sounds amazing Mick," Ian grinned before kissing him hard.

***

  Mickey's wife didn't seem all that pleased to see him there, in fact the entire evening she just glared. The baby bump was distinct, it wouldn't be long now before there was a mini Mickey would be running around. In fact looking at it he could no longer resent the woman, even as she glared. He started to wonder how much like its father it would look. Ian so hoped that it would have the Milkovich eyes. On the other hand he could still worry about her wanting him gone and Mickey making it happen.

  It was so good being just in the presence of Mickey in his home, he didn't want it to end. He had no work that evening and it meant that Mickey just beamed at him and pulled him down onto the sofa with a beer apiece. They were curled up together as they watched an old action movie with Ian sat in the V of Mickey's legs, leaning back against his chest. He was warm and comfortable with Mickey running his hands through his hair, he could stay there forever. 

  He was almost asleep like that, content, when the door slammed open and Mandy entered. He felt Mickey twitch slightly so he made to move away but the older boy just tightened the arm he had around Ian's chest, keeping him there. It was a surprise really, he had thought that Mickey was only touching Ian in front of the Russian to make a point, he didn't think that he would actually want to be seen like that with anyone else. The revelation meant Ian couldn't help the small smile pull at his lips which dropped when Mandy lay eyes on them. Then she laughed, then he reached over and punched Ian hard on the shoulder making him grimace and silently flip her off, still slightly nervous about how Mickey may react with his sister so close.

  "Ian you shit. When did you make up with this asshole?" she questioned.

  "Months ago shit for brains," Mickey replied behind him. His voice vibrated through Ian's back and he loved it, loved more that Mickey still wasn't making a move to get Ian off him. The thug then started to rub Ian's chest in an undeniably possessive gesture that had Ian full on smirking and Mandy pretending to puke. It was just getting better and better.

  "You know what I think we should get to bed," Mickey announced.

  "And I sleep where then?" Svetlana snapped as she waddled, abet waddled fiercely like only she would be able to pull off, into the room.

  "Fuck off to Terry's room. The fuck it matter woman? Ian's staying here now, find whoever you want to share that bed so long as he's not a client," Mickey snapped before pushing up off the sofa and walking to his room, Ian following behind but not before flashing an apologetic look at the woman.

  Once they had stripped off and "christened" the bed as Mickey sarcastically put it, they lay back and smoked with the blankets trapped around their waists. Ian caught Mickey looking at him and it was a look of pure happiness. As soon as Mickey realised that Ian saw him looking he looked away back down at his lap.

  "I love you Mick. Thank you so much for sticking by me, I know this isn't easy or particularly good for you so-" Ian started.

  "It's not easy Ian, but it's a hell of a lot easier with my dad gone, but it's sure as hell good for me. Ian you make me free, you make me happy. I love you too and I want you here forever," Mickey cut him off. He then stubbed his cigarette in the ashtray behind and Ian did the same before Mickey pulled him down for a kiss.

  When they were buried beneath the blankets with Mickey's head resting on Ian's chest the ginger spoke again. He had been thinking about it ever since Mickey had found out about his job, when there had been such disappointment and betrayal in his expression and words. He had seen a man the other day, hit by a car. The paramedics had been there and the man's wife had thanked them through tears when they had got him stable in the ambulance and told her that he would live. They had saved a life... how good must that have felt. It was a respectable job where lives were saved, miles more respectable than being a stripper.

  "I've been thinking Mick," he started.

  "Oh we know that's dangerous," Mick joked sleepily, earning him a jab in the side.

  "I know you don't like my job-"

  "Ian I know it pays the bills and even if you live here I know you have to help your family," Mickey interrupted.

  "Let me finish. I know you hate it and I hate it too. I feel disgusting when those men touch me and I hate you seeing me like that. I promise as soon as I graduate that I will look for a better job," he promised. EMT, he thought silently. But he'd surprise him. Maybe he'd like that. The gentle kiss that he got as a response definitely helped with that.

***

  The next morning Ian woke to find himself spooning Mickey, the smaller man still asleep. Bending his head he gently placed a kiss on the back of the man's neck before slowly disentangling himself from the warmth and comfort.

  He wasn't sure yet that Mickey really wanted him to stay. He wasn't convinced that Mickey wouldn't soon realise that he had been wrong and he didn't really want Ian there. That was why he hadn't even bothered to move the pills from their hiding places although he was going to gather them together. 

  The house was silent, it was only five in the morning so that was no surprise, so he dressed and left barely making a sound. He ran by the bus station and went to his locker and collected the pills before continuing to the building where he took his dose and stashed them before completing the circuit. It was the weekend so he had the whole day with Mickey, he felt well rested anyway so he didn't waste time beyond a smoke before he ran off to the Gallagher house.

  By the time he reached his home it was six thirty but it too was silent so he snuck up through the house to his room where Liam and Carl were sound asleep. He still wasn't sure how long Mickey would put up with him so he went for the a weeks worth of clothes. Ian just hoped that he wasn't being to optimistic. 

  He was gone before any of them woke up and walked back to the Milkovich house, shivering slightly as the cold bit at the drying sweat on his work out clothes. Once he reached the door it was just after seven and he could already hear yelling.

  "I will go to him!" he heard Svetlana scream.

  "Go the fuck ahead bitch!" Mickey yelled back.

  Ian quietly stepped through the door and stood out of the way as the two stood a few feet apart screaming at each other.

  "I shall tell him what fag his son is!" Svetlana yelled.

  "He's in jail bitch! What the fuck do you care anyway. You can stay here, that brat you're carrying can stay! Ian stays too! We never fucked anyway! You can go out and work and bring home boyfriends or whatever but Ian stays and Ian stays with me!" Mickey yelled.

  It was then that Svetlana looked over at Ian who was frozen on the spot. He did not want to make Mickey's life harder but it seemed he was already. Maybe a week was optimistic. That was until Svetlana spoke again and Ian hoped maybe not.

  "I don't care as long as baby cared for," she said before turning and walking out.


	8. Yevgeny

  It turned out to be a lot longer than a week that Ian stayed with Mickey. Svetlana quickly warmed to him as he made an effort to help out. In fact she started to teach him Russian, mostly to annoy Mickey who would yell at them and curse when they conversed in the language. Eventually the Gallaghers asked where he was staying and Mickey told him to tell the truth, said that it didn't matter anymore now that his dad was never coming out. Iggy and Mandy had no problem with them and really they were the only two other siblings that still came by the house so they were all that mattered.

  When a month of staying at the Milkovich house had rolled around Ian finally felt safe about asking Mick to move his pills. They were lying in bed having finished their post sex smoke but neither were all that tired.

  "Mick is it okay if I move my pills here?" Ian asked.

  Mickey turned to him then, looking at Ian like he was mad and for a moment Ian thought he must have done something really bad. He really hadn't thought that Mickey would mind too much even through they were a physical reminder that Ian was mentally ill, something that by all rights would scare anyone away. Mickey had given him his pills in the past when they were just meeting in the abandoned building. If that didn't scare him... maybe having them in the house was different.

  "I'm sorry, never mind," he said after Mickey didn't reply, if he didn't push it then maybe Mickey would just forget it.

  "No Ian. Sorry I just... why haven't you moved them yet? They're important and you don't have to hide or be ashamed here," Mickey said and Ian sighed in relief. A definite yes.

  "Guess I didn't want to remind you," Ian confessed in answer of Mickey's question. Mickey had looked up bipolar and the signs and symptoms. He knew what a shit show it was but not through personal experience. Ian wanted to keep him as far from that as possible.

  "Remind me of your bipolar? Ian I've already told you that doesn't bother me," Mickey replied, sitting up to look down at his boyfriend.

  "Yeah. Mick, you have to remember that the pills don't always work. There will be times when I get manic or depressed, admittedly to a lower extent than if not but... it isn't anything pretty," Ian told him. He had to make him aware, had to give him the choice as to whether he wanted to leave now before it was too late.

  "I told you I'll stick by you Ian. You aren't going to scare me away," Mickey told him firmly before leaning in for a kiss, "I love you."

  "I love you too," Ian said back but was horrified to feel the tears starting to slide down his cheeks.

  "Don't cry please," Mickey whispered as he kissed away the tears.

  "I'm just so grateful Mick. I... when I got diagnosed I thought that- that I would be alone and that I would be some janitor or something and- and-"

  "Well you're not alone now."

  "I know," Ian replied, pulling Mickey back down as close as possible.

***

  Mickey wasn't there when his son was born but Ian was. It was on Saturday morning that Svetlana went into labour and it was the evening that her son was born. Ian was there and although he wasn't the father, or really any relation at all, Lana told the doctors to let him stay. In fact as soon as the baby was checked over and his mother had held him she handed him over to Ian. It was a testament to how close they had become in the last months.

  Ian had thanked her quietly and sincerely as he took the bundle and looked down at the baby boy. He had a shock of blond hair and when his scrunched up little eyes opened they were the usual blue that babies had but Ian sure hoped they stayed that way. Even at that point he could see a little Mickey staring back at him, some of his mother's features were there but he looked more like Mickey than her. The baby was beautiful with tiny features and tiny hands that were grabbing at the blanket he was swathed in.

  "He's beautiful Svetlana. Well done, you've made him perfect," Ian said to her without looking away from the wrinkled little face that he was already in love with.

  "Thank you Orange Boy. I hope you'll be good with him too," Svetlana replied, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. It surprised him, she often pecked him on the cheek but other than that she wasn't a tactile person in the least.

  "What are you going to name him?" Ian asked, finally able to tear his eyes away.

  "Yevgeny. After my father," she told him.

  "Your father? But wasn't he the one that sold you?" Ian looked at her shocked.

  "Yes. But selling made my baby possible. If he not sell, I not meet baby's piece of shit father," she explained, her brutal reasoning making Ian snort.

  When Ian texted Mickey to say he had a son Mickey replied with "K" and left it at that. When he eventually came home Svetlana was feeding the baby in the living room and Mickey only briefly glanced at the child before making his way into the kitchen to grab a beer. Ian was there at the table looking at his phone and looked up to him as Mickey sat down heavily in the seat across.

  "He's beautiful Mick," Ian broke the silence.

  Mick just grunted and looked down at the tattoos on his knuckle. It wasn't the reaction that Ian had expected but then he supposed he understood. Svetlana had been forced to rape Mickey and Yevgeny had been the result. He had had to marry Svetlana and put up with seeing her every day since. He had no idea how that must have felt other than awful. A constant reminder of what was undoubtedly one of the worst days of the brunette's life. So Ian thought he understood, or at least hoped he did.

  Instead of pressing the matter Ian rose from the table and came around to Mickey's side. He rubbed, in what he hoped would be seen as a loving, hand down Mickey's neck before squeezing his shoulder before pressing a kiss to his temple. The man's shoulders were slumped and he looked defeated. Ian hated it. He wrapped his arms around his lover and lent in close, pressing a kiss to the pale neck, encouraged when Mickey started to run an absent hand up and down Ian's forearm. 

  "Just take your time with him. I'm sure one day you'll love him but if you rush it maybe not. He really is beautiful and he looks more like you than her anyway," Ian muttered into his neck.

  There was a long moment where they just stayed in that position, Mickey taking comfort and Ian giving it, before Mickey spoke.

  "Thank you Ian," he said. It was the first time Ian thought he had ever heard Mickey say that, to anyone, in more than a sarcastic way. What he'd said had obviously meant a lot to the new father.

  "No problem Mick."

 


	9. Graduating

  It was the day after he graduated Ian signed up for EMT training. Looking at it he couldn't wait to get started, the prospect of getting away from stripping was thrilling. If he kept at it he would be done with the training within six months and then he would be able to get a real job. He would be able to make Mickey proud. Hopefully. If Mickey was still putting up with him in six months. Even though he had been living with the Milkovich for nearly seven months and he still couldn't shake the feeling that this was temporary. Maybe if he got this job Mickey would let him stay longer.

  So far things had gone so right. Svetlana and he were good friends and she continued to teach him Russian over the months because it still annoyed Mickey. That was fun and he was getting very proficient at it to, they could hold full conversations together and laugh at Mickey glaring at them from across the room. Some days he wondered if it was too much to deliberately piss out of his boyfriend when he wasn't even sure if he would be there the next day. Other days it wound Mickey up to the point of amazing sex. 

  Svetlana and Mickey were now friendly as well and Mickey, as Ian had predicted, had grown to love his son. Lana had a girlfriend called Nika as it turned out that she actually preferred pussy to dick, Nika was another Russian whore but she was nice and she made Lana happy. All in all they were a nice, quite tight knit family even if they were not really conventional. 

  Just after graduation though was when the Gallaghers started to really pester Ian about Mickey. Lip had never approved from the beginning when Mickey was technically only a fuck buddy. Fiona had been horrified to hear that he had moved in with a Milkovich. Then again she only noticed after he had been gone two weeks, not that he would through that at her as she was always so busy. Debby had been happy he had a boyfriend, Carl thought it was beyond awesome. After a while they all left him be, the ginger slowly spending less and less time at the Gallagher house. 

  After he graduated though that seemed to be their ticket to start all up again. It was Fiona first, came to the door with a false smile and Mandy reluctantly let her in.

  "Hey Ian, how are you doing?" she greeted. Mickey wasn't there and Ian was currently standing in the kitchen holding a five and a half month old Yevgeny. 

  "Good Fi, how about you?" Ian replied cautiously.

  "Yeah I'm good," she said, putting her hands in the back pockets of her jeans in her typical nervous way, "I was wondering when you were coming home."

  "Yeah I though you might," Ian said quietly, looking down at the floor.

  "Come on Ian you can't be happy here. Look at you holding the baby of Mickey Milkovich, your supposed boyfriend, and his wife. You've graduated now, you've got your whole life ahead of you, you don't need him," Fiona practically begged.

  "You're wrong, I do and nothing you say is going to change that. I'll come home when Mickey doesn't want me here anymore," Ian told her quietly while holding Yev closer, a comfort really. The little baby grabbed at the fingers that Ian was stroking down his side. He was adorable and gave Ian something to focus on other than his sister.

  When he looked up Fiona was gone. It was a while before anyone else came round to bother him. Ian hoped Fiona had told Lip that it was pointless.

***

  The next problem was actually one with Mickey and his job. He hadn't told Mickey about where he was going in the days when he went to the hospital because he wanted to surprise Mickey in the end. A nastier part of his brain muttered that he didn't want to tell his boyfriend in case he failed. He hadn't actually thought that such an arrangement would cause problems. Except it did.

  Ian arrived home after another day of lessons thoroughly relaxed. He found that he loved the course and learning about things that he knew he would be able to apply, not like all those stupid maths equations he had to struggle over in school. The other reason that he was so relaxed was that he was going to be able to return to the house where he didn't have to be anyone but himself and to his boyfriend.

  As he opened the door and walked into the kitchen and catching sight of Mickey  the tension returned. The brunette was stood leaning against the kitchen counter with a beer in hand staring straight at Ian in the way that told Ian he had fucked up. That was never a good look on anyone and especially not on Mickey. 

  "Hey?" Ian asked uncertainly, quickly putting his hands in his pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking.

  "So you've been going out lots recently and sure that's fine. But it's always at the same times, Lana has told me when you're gone cause I asked. So today I followed you to the hospital where you didn't come out of for hours. Not too sure how long exactly just gave up after two. Want to tell me what's up?" Mickey confronted, standing straight and  coming within arms length of Ian before folding his arms over his chest.

 _He doesn't trust me._  Ian looked Mickey over for a while, he hadn't been doing anything wrong. He hadn't thought that Mickey would notice him gone let alone follow him. Then again he followed him to Boys Town all those months ago.  _He really doesn't trust me._

  "I've been training," Ian got out even though it felt like his throat was closing over. Why didn't Mickey trust him? What had he done to make him not trust him? Wracking his brains he really couldn't think of anything but... but his bipolar. Mickey didn't trust him because he was mentally ill.

  "Training? In a hospital?" Mickey asked as if that was a really unbelievable excuse. 

  "To be a paramedic. So I that I'm not a stripper till I'm old. I didn't tell you because... well maybe I wouldn't succeed and I didn't want to disappoint. Or surprise. I mean it's not really a big deal I don't know I just-" Ian stuttered through.

  "That's amazing Ian," Mickey smiled, stepping forward and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Ian moved forward again and pressed his forehead against Mickey's.

  "Why don't you trust me Mickey? Please don't say because of my bipolar but I can't think of anything else I've done and if I have done something I am so sorry and please tell me. I'll change I promise," Ian whispered brokenly.

  Mickey pulled back then, gripping Ian's hips but looking him in the eye, "I'm just paranoid. I can't help it. You're the best think in my life and I will do anything to keep you."

  Ian smiled and sighed in relief. That answer had definitely not even been on his radar but he was sure glad that it had been Mickey's. That was the moment that Lip decided to walk in. The eldest Gallagher son looked to be determined and Ian's heart sank as he pulled away from Mickey to look back at him. 

  Lip stood there arms crossed looking the scene over. His look was so disapproving that it made Ian cringe back. There was a time when his big brother's approval had been everything and there was still a small part of that old self in him. That was until Lip's gaze fell on the counter and Ian turned slightly to see that Lip was in fact staring at his medicine bottles that had been left on the side. Then Ian couldn't care any less about Lip's approval and only getting him the hell out.  


	10. Bipolar

  Lip stared at the meds for a long moment before he strode over and snatched them up from the counter. Ian would definitely have stopped him if he hadn't have been frozen to the spot. This was the thing that he had been dreading ever since he had first been diagnosed. Mickey, ever Ian's hero these days, seemed to sense Ian's panic and stepped over to wrap an arm around his waist. It was odd as Mickey never touched Ian in front of the Gallaghers, probably because of all the fuss they put up over their relation, Ian was nevertheless very grateful and leaned into the touch.

  "Ian Gallagher, Lithium," Lip read, jaw tense as he glared at Ian over the bottle.

  Not being able to really move, still too shocked, just looked back. Ian had always been closer to Lip than any of his other siblings but since he moved in with Mickey Lip had been almost as unsupportive as Fiona. It meant that he had absolutely no idea what Lip was going to say about it, he wasn't the same brother that had never let Ian down before.

  "So did you get diagnosed before or after you moved in with this prick," Lip growled, pointing at Mickey who still had his arm slung around Ian.

  "Before," Ian admitted quietly.

  "How long ago exactly did you find out then Ian?" he asked and now it was his dangerous voice.

  "Bout a year and a half ago," Ian replied with a bit more confidence. He had this under control they couldn't call him Monica. He wasn't Monica. He and Mickey were doing good, Ian had a job- not a favourable one but a job- and was training for a better one and he had Yevgeny. He looked after the baby with Lana, Nika and Mickey and he loved the boy. He took the meds religiously. He was not Monica and Lip couldn't... but he probably would. He would see Ian as Monica and when the Gallaghers found out they would see him as Monica.

  Lip just snorted before slamming the meds back on the side and storming out of the house, banging the door behind him. It was only then that Ian realised that he was shaking so he pulled himself away from Mickey, not wanting him to know how badly this was effecting him. His boyfriend was trying to catch his eye but Ian wouldn't look at him. Couldn't. Ian couldn't show weakness now, it would be another thing for Mickey's checklist of why not to date Ian Gallagher. Now that Lip knew, and the Gallaghers were bound to being informed this minute, they would give Mickey every reason under the sun why Ian was bad for him and maybe this time the thug would see the truth.

  "You okay man?" Mickey asked him carefully.

  "Yeah sure. It was bound to happen at one point. I'm fine," Ian lied.

  "Then why the fuck are you shaking and why do you look like you're about to cry? Don't lie Ian, if you're not fine you don't have to hide it," Mickey said, stepping forward and placing a hand on the ginger's shoulder and yet Ian still couldn't look at him.

  "They're all gonna come storming over here and give you every reason why I'm bad for you and why I'm Monica and how that will destroy you. You'll see it and want me gone but I... fuck Mick I'm selfish, I want you, I- I  _need_  you and- and please don't listen to them Mick. Please. I love you and I'll try to hard not to be Monica I promise, I'll really really try, " Ian was full on crying, burying into Mickey and gripping the thug's shirt.

  "Ian I'm not gonna get rid of you because of what those shits may say," Mickey said into Ian's hair as he wrapped his arms around the younger, "you're not Monica and I thought we'd long since established that. As much as you need me I need you, perhaps even more. Sure I got with you when you were at a low point but you made me such a better person. I definitely smell better for one."

  That last bit earnt Mickey the chuckle that had obviously hoped for. Ian buried his head further into Mickey's chest and, even though he was the taller of the couple, it wasn't an uncomfortable position at all. 

  Half hour later saw Lip returning, Gallaghers in tow. By that point Mickey and Ian were curled into each other on the sofa watching shitty day time TV. The sudden interruption made the pair look up but when Ian made to stand Mickey put a possessive hand on his thigh to keep him in place.

  "Is it true? You're bipolar?" Fiona started, cutting right to the chase.

  "Yeah Fiona I'm bipolar," Ian replied, trying to keep his face neutral even as he slipped his hand into Mickey's.

  "That would explain you choice of boyfriend then," she snorted.

  "And what the fuck is that supposed to mean!" Mickey snapped.

  "It means look at the piece of shit that Monica chose for a husband. When they're manic they make shitty decisions that ruin their lives," Fiona replied with a nasty smile.

  It was then that Mickey untangled himself from Ian and stood, Ian getting up one pace behind.

  "Ian is not Monica and I sure as hell ain't Frank Fiona," Mickey growled.

  "Doesn't matter. Ian's bipolar they make bad choices and you as far as I have seen have been a bad choice," she retorted.

  "You know he's the one that's been their for me. We got together about five months after I was diagnosed. I thought that I was worth nothing and would be just like Monica, end up nowhere and alone. He knew what he was getting into, researched this shit and stood by me. Didn't judge me, supported me and helped me keep up the meds. Hell whenever I was getting even slightly manic or depressed he was there to help me. You wouldn't have been. I never told you because I knew you'd react like this, see me as less. Mickey never has," Ian ranted at them and he was shaking again just this time in rage.

  "He's just a thug Ian! When will you wake up?" Fiona yelled.

  "He's much more than that," Ian growled in return.

  "Hey Fiona I think he's made up his mind," Debbie said quietly.

  "Debbie how can you say that!" Lip snapped.

  "I like Mickey. Whenever I visit he's happy, so is Ian. He's nice and as Ian said he helped him," Debbie replied.

 "Yeah Mickey's cool," Carl chimed in with a toothy grin pointed towards said thug.

  "Besides Ian is taking his meds. That means he's normal like us," Debbie added.

  There was silence after that when Mickey and Ian threw a thankful look at the youngest Gallagher sister and Lip and Fiona just glared.

  "Fine. Fucking fine. Don't come crying to me when this blows up in your face Ian," Fiona finally broke the silence before storming out. The rest followed, Lip throwing one last glare over his shoulder and Debbie one last smile.

***

  Ian was cuddling Yevgeny and tickling his sides to make him squeal when Mickey came up to him with a serious we-need-to-talk face on.  It had been three hours give or take since the Gallaghers had come to call and it had only really been within the last forty five minutes that Ian's heart had stopped beating so fast. 

  As soon as his family had gone Mickey had pulled him into a hug but after that the five of them sat down for a meal before they went their own way. Mickey had left, lighting a cigarette on his way out of the door. At first Ian had panicked thinking the brunette must be reconsidering but then he remembered their earlier conversation after Lip had first stormed out and he relaxed. Now Mickey was back.

  "Put the kid down a minute and come with me will you," he said, waiting for Ian to place Yevgeny in amongst his toys before leading the way to their bedroom.

  He gestured for Ian to sit on the bed so that is what the redhead did before Mickey knelt down before him and placed his hands on Ian's knees. Blue eyes met green and they just stared at each other for a while. There was such love in Mickey's eyes and for a moment it took Ian's breath away.

  "I was gonna wait and surprise you but after today and you thinking that I would leave you so easy... Lana and I agreed that with no Terry here we didn't need to be married anymore. We've filed for divorce, it won't be long before we're no longer married," Mickey told him.

  Ian looked at him and smiled. As much as he loved Svetlana he had always resented her being married to the man he loved. Mickey had not worn the wedding ring since Terry got put away but it was still legal. Now... now Mickey would be all his.

  "Something else as well," Mickey said after a moment looking down at his hands.

  "What is it Mick?" Ian asked.

  "When we're divorced I want you to marry me," Mickey said all calm and collected. He'd obviously thought about it a lot.

  Marry Mickey? Mickey wanted to marry him, to be with Ian for good... it was a dream come true. Mickey wanted him, bipolar and disapprovingl family and every little flaw. 

  "God Gallagher you have to answer," Mickey huffed and he seemed nervous. It was as if he doubted Ian wanted it.

  "I'd love to marry you Mick," Ian smiled down at him, pulling the shorter man up until he was straddling his lap before kissing him hard.

  "Good cause I want you forever," Mickey told him once they broke the kiss. "Till the day I die."

 


End file.
